She's done it again.

Who? Martha Stewart, who else? Once again Martha has ruined the Dove chocolate wrappers. What's my fascination with Dove chocolate wrappers? I blame the professor that I was a G.A. for in Grad school. Don't get me wrong, she was one of my favorite people and professors, but she was a horrible influence when it came to chocolate. :-) Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Periodically (who am I kidding? weekly) she would bring in bags of the Dove caramel chocolates and we would line the back of the office door with the wrappers.

So this is why I have a fascination with Dove candy wrappers, and why I take it so personally when the phrases go downhill. Back to Martha. It took me a while to amass some of her "Valentine's Day" collection of phrases, but here is what I have thus far:

1. Use a heart-shaped punch to create Valentine cards.

- Yeah... cause I keep my heart-shaped punch handy just for things like this.

2. Rewrap a store bought chocolate bar with a love note.

- Ok, I'll admit it, this is a good idea, but you know that if Martha was doing it she would have vintage paper with hearts on it that would be "just right" for this kind of a project. Then she'd show off her calligraphy skills, which in turn pisses me off.

3. For a Valentine card photocopy a rose between sheets of acetate.

- I am so glad I have all of those sheets of acetate hanging around, I keep them with my heart punch.

4. Try wrapping a floral bouquet in a classic love poem.

- I don't know about you, but I think Martha is issuing us a challenge here. Just read it again, she is daring us to wrap a floral bouquet in a classic love poem because she knows the following.

a) We don't know what size paper to use, which will take time for us to perfect, because I know that an 8 x 10 sheet of paper will not actually fit around a bouquet. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.

b) What kind of paper should you use? I mean it has to be strong enough to not break apart once damp flowers (we don't want them dead) are placed in it. etc.

5. wait for it... this one is one of my favorites.

Use the cut end of a head of radicchio to form a rose stamp.

- Riiiight. Umm...I can't tell you the last time I saw fresh radicchio in my grocery store. Perhaps it's just not in season? But I bet that the bagged stuff won't make as good of a rose. We can't all grow radicchio on our ridiculous estate like you Martha.

6. Create a heart using two pats of your own ink-stained finger.

- Yep, you all should expect a 2"x2" card in the mail with a heart made out of my finger prints. Oh wait... no you shouldn't, I'm not Martha. :-)

So to all of you who are preparing to enjoy the long Valentine weekend, have fun. To all of you who do not have plans for this weekend...I bet the bars have pretty good two for one deals. :-)