A little while ago I drove to Jacksonville with Danielle, one of my best friends, to visit our mutual best friend, Nellie, her family and her newest son Deacon. At some point while there and when Danielle was holding baby Deacon (or baby Bacon as his brothers affectionately call him), Nellie said, "You look so natural holding him." Which brought out my sarcastic nature and I joked, "As opposed to what? An Alien?." Which sparked a conversation that led to a list of questions or statements that Danielle and I get annoyed hearing as single ladies and that Nellie gets annoyed hearing as a mom. Nellie suggested I blog it, so here it is.
Of course I cannot state that I represent all single ladies, but for me and a good amount of my friends the following are true. If you have ever asked me any of these, you now know that I will give you a nice answer, while thinking in my head of my real answer.
1. While holding a baby or playing with a child, please don't tell us that we look "natural." It makes me want to stand on my head and talk in a made up language to show what "unnatural" would look like. Yes, I know I am a woman and of child rearing age, you don't need to point this out with the whole "natural" statement. And please please please don't ask a girl you KNOW is single when she thinks she will have one... I do not have a crystal ball, so you will have as much luck asking me who will win the Superbowl.
2. After asking if we are dating someone and hearing that we are not, do not follow up with, "Are you looking?" What kind of a question is that? Nope, not looking, I think that I can have a quite fulfilling life alone with my cat.
3. This one is quite unique to me, as I have been unemployed for a bit, and it leads to a similar answer as above, but here we go. The dialogue usually goes like this:
"Them:" "How's the job market?"
Me: Bad.
"Them:" Find anything?
Me: Nope.
"Them:" Still looking?
Me: Yep (while thinking... Nope, I stopped looking because I think life is fantastic as an unemployed person... OF COURSE I'M STILL LOOKING!)
4. This one is probably more for my mother than anyone else but, when you introduce us (single girls) to someone and ask us if we would be interested in them and we say no PLEASE do NOT give them our numbers!!! No means no!
5. Now this may seem to contradict my first statement, but when a group of parents are hanging out with some single people talking "shop" and they tell a story and then look at the single people and say "you just could never understand until your a parent"... just stop doing that. I understand I do not have a child, but I am a pretty intelligent adult and I do a pretty good job of understanding the emotions of other people. If you were talking about a serious event like a kidnapping or something, then yeah, you can say that. However, that has NEVER been the case. I can get the joke, understand the book or movie without having a child of my own. Did you not understand "The Little Mermaid" because you didn't actually live Under the Sea?
6. My favorite questions come around wedding times, when random strangers, or life long friends will ask some or all of the following:
Ok... that's enough for now. Mind you if any of you have said these things, I really don't mind, but I do giggle while forming responses in my head.
Here's one for new mom's out there...
1. When you see a new mom in the store, don't ask "how is the baby sleeping?" HOW DO YOU THINK? HE/SHE is a newborn!
Which leads to my issue with the "slept like a baby" saying. Babies don't actually sleep that well... I'm going to start saying, "Slept like a teenage boy." I think that's much more accurate.
Of course I cannot state that I represent all single ladies, but for me and a good amount of my friends the following are true. If you have ever asked me any of these, you now know that I will give you a nice answer, while thinking in my head of my real answer.
1. While holding a baby or playing with a child, please don't tell us that we look "natural." It makes me want to stand on my head and talk in a made up language to show what "unnatural" would look like. Yes, I know I am a woman and of child rearing age, you don't need to point this out with the whole "natural" statement. And please please please don't ask a girl you KNOW is single when she thinks she will have one... I do not have a crystal ball, so you will have as much luck asking me who will win the Superbowl.
2. After asking if we are dating someone and hearing that we are not, do not follow up with, "Are you looking?" What kind of a question is that? Nope, not looking, I think that I can have a quite fulfilling life alone with my cat.
3. This one is quite unique to me, as I have been unemployed for a bit, and it leads to a similar answer as above, but here we go. The dialogue usually goes like this:
"Them:" "How's the job market?"
Me: Bad.
"Them:" Find anything?
Me: Nope.
"Them:" Still looking?
Me: Yep (while thinking... Nope, I stopped looking because I think life is fantastic as an unemployed person... OF COURSE I'M STILL LOOKING!)
4. This one is probably more for my mother than anyone else but, when you introduce us (single girls) to someone and ask us if we would be interested in them and we say no PLEASE do NOT give them our numbers!!! No means no!
5. Now this may seem to contradict my first statement, but when a group of parents are hanging out with some single people talking "shop" and they tell a story and then look at the single people and say "you just could never understand until your a parent"... just stop doing that. I understand I do not have a child, but I am a pretty intelligent adult and I do a pretty good job of understanding the emotions of other people. If you were talking about a serious event like a kidnapping or something, then yeah, you can say that. However, that has NEVER been the case. I can get the joke, understand the book or movie without having a child of my own. Did you not understand "The Little Mermaid" because you didn't actually live Under the Sea?
6. My favorite questions come around wedding times, when random strangers, or life long friends will ask some or all of the following:
- Do you plan on getting married? (Yeah... just as much as I plan on being the head of an arts organization and living in Italy... all things I would like to do, but again NO CRYSTAL BALL!)
- Where would you like to get married? My sarcastic answer... In this lifetime. (My thoughts though: Ok, as a girl I have been planning my wedding since I was 5, but no, we (single ladies) will never admit this in public and tell you a real answer, so stop asking.)
- This one is for anyone... when someone turns to you during a ceremony and says (referring to the bride) "Doesn't she look lovely?" Ummm... SHE'S the bride... of course she does... and if I didn't think so I would never tell you, so shush.
Ok... that's enough for now. Mind you if any of you have said these things, I really don't mind, but I do giggle while forming responses in my head.
Here's one for new mom's out there...
1. When you see a new mom in the store, don't ask "how is the baby sleeping?" HOW DO YOU THINK? HE/SHE is a newborn!
Which leads to my issue with the "slept like a baby" saying. Babies don't actually sleep that well... I'm going to start saying, "Slept like a teenage boy." I think that's much more accurate.
